this is an adventure.

REAL BEAUTY!!!

2008-05-14T22:58:00.003-04:00

I rarely get this emotionally attached to a television show, but after viewing the season finale of America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 I can hardly express the rush of sheer elation I felt when Whitney was announced as the winner.
I burst into tears of joy when her name was called, pumping my fists in the air and thinking, "Finally! Finally they have recognized real beauty for what it really is!"Whitney is the first full-figured model to win ANTM, and I couldn't be prouder of her. She is smart, confident, naturally sexy, and undeniably beautiful.
Yet, toward the end of the season, Whitney began to reveal a more vulnerable side to her generally tough-skinned personality. She expressed how difficult it has been for her to grow up in a culture that is obsessed with skinny. Whitney confided that she was always convinced that there was something wrong with her, and saw through all the backhanded compliments dished out at her. I am aware that the reason why I was rooting for Whitney, and why I was so overjoyed when she finally won, is because I can fully relate to her somewhat battered self-esteem.
For the past 20-odd years, it has been a struggle to look in the mirror every morning. I'll stare back at the reflection wishing it wasn't a mirror, but rather a model of clay that I could mold, shape and manipulate into something slimmer, something prettier, something better. Thanks to the wonders of Photoshop, I tend to do this on a daily basis. Despite the temporary satisfaction I feel after editing a photo of myself into something slightly more aesthetically acceptable, there's still that mirror lurking around ready to bring my self-esteem and self-respect crashing back down. I don't know if this is the reason why I love photography so much. I love being able to elicit curiosity in the mundane, beauty in mediocrity, while producing images I can feel proud of. I think my photography is also one of the few things I'm ever really praised for (or rather, praise myself for), so maybe that's another reason I'm so innately drawn to it. I digress...
Despite criticism, I think Whitney is an incredibly talented and wonderful ROLE model in addition to being a TOP model, and she has truly inspired me to try to find in myself the confidence that she has fought so hard to achieve.
Congratulations, Whitney! Your success is well deserved!

My Adjusted Top 10 Albums Of 2007

2008-01-16T21:05:00.000-05:00

I rated my Top 10 Albums for The Cord last week, but since I only had a couple hours to review and rate 365 days worth of great new music, I have decided to make a few changes. So here is my new list, enjoy!

1. Ratatat - Remixes Vol.2
It’s no mystery that I’m crazy about Ratatat. This mixtape of rap and hip-hop remixes are spectacularly revamped, only further fueling my love affair with the rocktronic duo. You’re probably thinking, “It can’t get any better than this.” Well it can, and it has! It’s free. Get it at www.ratatatmusic.com … get it now. Like, right now. Now. Do it.

2. Justice - Cross
It's kind of what would happen if the Chemical Brothers had a baby with Ratatat, and that baby's name was Justice.

3. Dragonette - Galore
So many piping hot tracks! I love this album, I feel like it could easily be a soundtrack for a bitchin' movie or play... it's very theatrical.

4. Elliott Smith - New Moon
Obviously, this isn’t “new” music, but the tracks spread across the two discs are great. He may be gone, but it's amazing that his music is still living on and it's better than ever. Really great acoustic guitar tracks. It's like a heartbroken From a Basement on a Hill.

5. Daft Punk - Alive 2007
Harder, better, faster, stronger... but actually.

6. LCD Soundsystem – Sound of Silver
This is a really uplifting album for me; it’s a really great mix of sounds to fit whatever musical mood I’m feeling.

7. Caribou – Andorra
I saw Dan Snaith at Starlight back in September, and it was one of the most amazing shows I’ve ever seen. The album is equally as mind-blowing.

8. Radiohead - In Rainbows
Really clean and polished compared to their last couple of albums, but equally as brilliant. I really like it when musicians take the time to do an album right.

9. Les Savy Fav – Let’s Stay Friends
After a six-year hiatus, it’s nice to hear from LSF again. The album kind of has an all-star cast, with contributions from Metric’s Emily Haines and The Unicorn’s Nick Thornburn. Welcome back, friends.

10. Feist – The Reminder
I wish I was her. That’s all.

hold your horses!

2007-10-22T14:26:00.000-04:00

For the past few weeks I have noticed a remarkable amount of people commenting on how quickly autumn seems to be breezing by. Consequently, I have been in a state of sheer denial for the past few weeks as well, therefore I would simply nod in agreement without giving it much thought every time someone would proclaim, "Fall sure is flying by, eh!?"
It wasn't until I was driving back to Waterloo this past Saturday morning when I noticed the flagrant abundance of auburn leaves blustering over the country roads that I moved quickly from denial to anger (à la Kübler-Ross grief cycle).
Now I am mostly upset because I feel like I accomplished absolutely nothing this past summer, and am continuing to repeat the same level of under achievement, despite being well into the semester at school.
Of course while I'm dealing with all these feelings of failure, I must also decide what I'm going to do with my life next year. Do I attempt to start a career? Do I go to another school? Grad school even? Or do I bum out and continue serving cappuccinos for years to come?
So many of my friends who are at the same stage in life seem to have it all figured out, yet I remain hopelessly ambivalent toward my future.
A few weeks ago I was being given the tour of a friend's new apartment which she recently moved into with her boyfriend. Because my friend now has a well-paying job, she has been able to purchase higher caliber furniture and appliances for their humble abode.
Jealousy would boil more rapidly in me with every curtain rod, lamp shade, and decorative coffee table bowl I was introduced to. Considering the fact that I'm only really used to the furnishings of the student ghetto (which generally include particle board rubbish from ikea, toasters and microwaves purchased at yard sales, and the questionable chair picked up from the side of the road that is probably swimming in tetanus), I was quite envious of their set-up.
Although I managed to remain composed while the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head in my conscious during this tour, it wasn't until I was shown the kitchen that I thought I might actually launch myself out the window toward the pavement below.
My friend pointed out a stunning black kitchen table set that stood in a sun-drenched nook of the kitchen and casually stated, "It was pretty expensive, but I see it as an investment because our kids can have breakfast at it, know what I mean?"
Thankfully I did not blurt out the reactionary sentence, "NO! I don't know what you mean! Kids?! Are you mental?!" Instead I nodded respectfully, saving my stifled cries of frustration for the drive home.
But seriously? Am I really supposed to be thinking about where my children will be cramming Cap'n Crunch in their faces? I don't think so. Nevertheless, I despise the thought that as an adult, I am going to have to eventually think about these things, whether it's what scholarly path I take in the next few months, or where to buy a house in a few years.
Maybe I'm just suffering from what I would call 'peterpanitis', i.e. really not wanting to grow up. Especially because I am approaching my 22nd year of being single, I am becoming increasingly aware of all the people my age that are moving in with their significant other, getting married, settling down, and even breeding. It's freaking me out, man!
Every time I hear someone discussing marriage and babies, I retch a little bit, then imagine myself as some tragic cat lady whose diet consists primarily of wine.
Is this really what the world has in store for me? Am I so hopeless that I can't dream about attaining an enviable yuppie lifestyle? This is all so ridiculous, I can hardly take it anymore. Somebody please, just buy me five cats and ship me off to a condo in Never Neverland.

"a good friend stabs you in the front" - oscar wilde

2007-07-07T14:07:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have those days where you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough? I'm having one of those days today. Maybe it's simply because I'm a very paranoid person, but I have this constant feeling that some of the people I know are pulling the wool over my eyes. My friends may be nice to me and laugh at my lame sense of humor, but I have days like today where I feel like it's just one big ruse, and they don't actually want anything to do with me. This happens surprisingly frequently for me; I'll convince myself several of my friends secretly hate me or find me exceptionally annoying (even if they don't) and I'll cut them out of my life without any explanation. This probably makes me a horrible person, but I do it to protect myself and others. In my life I have been hurt so many times, it would seem only natural for me to try and stop the torment before it happens. But what if the people I cut out still want to be friends? Am I hurting people without knowing it? That's the problem... I won't talk to them, and then one day I'm gone. It's such a juvenile thing to do; running away from everything and starting fresh somewhere else. But it always happens. Maybe this process is somewhat amplified because I don't have anyone to put my mind at rest. I don't have anyone to hug me, pat my hair and reassure me that it's all in my head, or firmly slap me out of whatever funk I'm in. So essentially it all boils down to trust. I don't trust anybody. Isn't that sad? No, it's not. It's ridiculous. But seriously? I don't trust any of my friends? And it's not like my friends shouldn't be trusted, my friends are kind, smart, friendly, hilarious, fantastically lovely people but for some reason I don't trust that they like me as much as I like them. I just don't know how to fix this. I just want to esc, as usual.

get up i get down

2007-07-02T18:39:00.000-04:00

So, a few weeks ago I posted a note on Facebook that listed a few goals that would contribute to my becoming a better person, should I accomplish them. So far, I feel that I've been doing a good job at working towards them.
Of these goals, the one that has been very important to me has been going green. I have been taking steps to reducing my impact on the environment such as buying a bike and taking it places instead of driving, using reusable bags when i go grocery shopping, buying organic products, using post-consumer products like PC Green paper towel and toilet paper, replacing light bulbs with the energy efficient variety, and washing my clothes only in cold water.
However, upon reading this article in The New York Times I felt that my goal towards being a greener person was missing a key ingredient: anti-consumption.
In the article, Williams argues that while eco-friendly shopping may be fashionable, it isn't the solution to climate change. Although Williams is referring to the slightly more extravagant purchasing of green products such as Armani biodegradable knit shirts and $104,000 Lexus hybrids, his primary argument seems to be that the consumption of eco-friendly products is not what being green is about. Anti-consumption is the way to go, and I concur wholeheartedly with Williams in this respect. Although my own actions toward being green are certainly not detrimental by any means, this article made me realize that I really need to cut back on how much i consume. I'm going to try and follow a few of Williams' suggestions presented in a related article, and maybe do my own little things like darning socks instead of just throwing them away. Anyway, I just thought I'd share my green thoughts and seek out your opinions. Green!

I WANT A PANDA DOG!!!

2007-06-15T15:23:00.000-04:00

oddly hilarious dream

2007-06-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

i love having those dreams that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. you wake up and with a raised eyebrow thinking, "O...K..." I enjoy trying to analyze the content to see if it signifies anything in my life (a la Freud).
Last night I dreamt that I was on a holiday with a couple people that I met in Australia and a few friends from Waterloo and we were having fun around a pool at one point that had about 20 various inflatable animals in it (crocodile, shark, killer whale, etc...) Then we were all in a car and got in an accident, and when I "woke up" in my dream from having been in the accident Will Ferrell was in the hospital bed next to me. For some reason I wanted to seduce him so I was trying to gently to wake him up while wearing a Starbucks apron and nothing else. Then, realizing how embarrassingly ridiculous I was being, I started to panic and frantically attempted to cover my shame. Then I woke up.
You see? Absolutely no sense whatsoever. It was pretty funny, but just so random. What do the inflatable animals in the pool mean? does the car accident symbolize anything? why were my friends from Australia there? Will Ferrell!?!? Anyway, I just thought I'd share this story... after all it is quite random. Do any of you have some crazy dreams to share?

time for change

2007-05-07T10:34:00.000-04:00

I have come to probably one of the most important realizations of my life.
Even when I was little I struggled with my self esteem; I still remember when my mom made me a Tinkerbell costume for Halloween '93 and I was so upset when I put it on because I thought that I looked fat. My mom cried because I didn't like it even though she probably spent countless hours making sure it was perfect. Looking back, I feel that it's appalling and almost tragic that a seven-year-old should be concerned with what they look like.
Ever since then I would look in the mirror and hate everything I saw. I still do this constantly which in turn has contributed to this crippling mental anguish. I would convince myself that if I lost 30 pounds everything would be better. I would think that maybe if I got a nose job, or had collagen injected into my lips, or whitened my teeth, or scrubbed my face raw with some miracle acne wash, or had everything nipped and tucked I would be happy and everyone would love me. But now I think I have finally started to realize that being loved has nothing to do with how clear my skin is, how thick my hair is, or how much i jiggle. What I really need to change is all up in my head; I have to learn to love myself or else nobody ever will.
So I'm going to try and slowly change what's going on in the inside, then maybe I'll work on the outside.
What causes me even more anxiety than my self esteem is this wretched world we live in. I can't believe that there are little girls sticking their fingers down their throat to look like photoshopped models. People willingly contribute to the planet's destruction by driving SUVs, and animals are going extinct because of the reckless expansion of cities. The Western world honestly makes my sick.
I was enraged the other night by a commercial for the "Sleep Number" mattress. I can't believe that we live in a world where some people can buy a tailored mattress that promises a perfect night's sleep while there are orphans in third world nations that don't even have access to clean drinking water.
I was at work the other day and these three teenage girls were having the most ridiculous conversation. First of all they were bad mouthing some other girl, calling her ugly and weird. I wanted to hit them, because if I went to their school I would have been who they were talking about. If this wasn't bad enough, one of them started to complain about how her parents wouldn't buy her the same iPod that the other two had, claiming that it was "sooooooooo unfair!" She explained that her parents told her that if she wanted to buy it she would have to get a job to which she said very annoyed, "My life sucks." I felt like saying to this girl, "You think your life sucks? Go live in Darfur."
However, this made me feel like a giant hypocrite because I have spent years hating my horrible life even though I actually have it pretty good. Therefore, what i really want to do is just be a better person; i have to stop being concerned about what i look like and think about the greater picture.
As horrible as it sounds, I really don't care if I live or die right now, so I've been giving serious thought towards going to the Middle East as a photojournalist. Who knows? Maybe I will be remembered for an award-winning photograph as opposed to a chubby Tinkerbell.

bead shop

2007-02-25T12:05:00.000-05:00

Hey you guys! So I got a booth at the Student Marketplace which is happening this Thursday (March 1st) in the concourse. I'll be selling my little beaded things and I'm looking for a little help. First, I'll need one or two people to sit with me at the table to help sell things. Second, I'm still in desperate need of a name for my little company (see my previous post here). I want to start making up a card and some stickers, so if you think up anything, please let me know. I was thinking JOAT, an acronym of 'Jill of all Trades', because that's what I feel like most of the time. But it does look a lot like 'goat'... but maybe I can use that to my advantage? I don't know... please help!
p.s. For the ladies who help me out at the booth, I'll make a custom piece of jewelry just for you! For the gentlemen, you can have a necklace or bracelet if you want, but I was going to offer to get you a case of your favourite beer/bottle of your favourite wine (ladies, you can take the beer/wine too if you want).

comic cover

2007-02-23T20:51:00.000-05:00

my manager asked me to draw a cover for the communications binder, and i think it looks pretty neat. however I don't have that many markers, so I attempted to colour it in using Photoshop... this is what it looks like:

once i get a summer pay cheque, i'm going out and buying 20 Letraset markers.

Happy Valentines Day!

2007-02-11T15:29:00.000-05:00

resolution time

2007-01-11T10:10:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!
Well, it's been nearly two weeks since the new year was officially rung in, but i have yet to make any resolutions, but they have been on my mind and I really need to get them down in some printed/digital form so that I can maybe try and actually follow them this year. I also want to blog them so that they are public and if anyone sees me breaking my resolutions they can slap me right in the face. I've decided to try and make realistic resolutions this year. I generally will write down "1. Obviously lose 40 pounds. 2. Spend 5 hours a day on homework." and other unreasonable goals for myself, so this year I think I'll try to make my resolutions attainable. So here we go, wish me luck:
1. Lose 10lbs by May. (get Australia body back)
2. Spend at least 2 hours a day on homework.
3. Rely less on Visa, and spend money wisely.
4. Do not buy clothes unless they fit now, not "will fit eventually".
5. Do not agree to take shifts for other people at work that I really don't have time for.
6. Drink less pop (one 591ml bottle a month).
7. Stop abusing the free pastry privileges at work (just because something can't be sold, doesn't mean i have to eat it or take it home so i can eat it later).
8. Start RSP (dollar a day).
9. Read a non-school-related-book every month.
10. Keep a "Yard Sale Box" in room to get rid of anything I don't need.
OK, I think I have a fair list of goals for the year. I really want to keep my resolutions this year, and I think that now that they are fairly reasonable I won't give up as easily. Here's hoping!

(This is what I looked like toward the end of my trip in Australia, a size I was quite happy with. So if I can get back to that, I would be really happy. p.s. that's my natural hair colour in case anyone is interested)

you've come a long way, baby

2006-12-16T11:28:00.000-05:00

this was me 20 years ago. my parents took me to the zoo for my first birthday, and i've loved meerkats ever since.

uuggghhhh...

2006-12-13T13:51:00.000-05:00

inspired by Pinchy's last post, i'm taking a study break to blog.
*sigh*
i don't know what to do with my life. i'm so frustrated with so many things, it's hard to think about anything related to school. my best friend messaged me the other day saying "why can't i study? why?" and i was going through the same thought process. i couldn't study at all. so i told her that there are so many things in this world that are more important to be thinking about. and that's what it boils down to, there is just too much stuff going on in my life. i just spilt juice on myself... wonderful... anyway, sometimes i wish i was a minimalist. i feel like i need to get rid of everthing i don't need or use, and maybe be a buddist or something. i'm so disinterested in everything, i'm not even excited about my 21st birthday. usually i'll be planning some extravagant smörgåsbord, or something fun to do, but i don't really care. i don't know what i'm going to be (career wise), i was telling this to Pinchy the other day, but i feel like i'm not good enough at ONE thing to make a living off it. Things that I'd kill to do are:
1. High powered fashion/snowboard photographer
2. 5 star chef/have my own bakery
3. Creative Director at an advertising agency with top end clients (i.e. Starbucks)
4. Own my own store/website that sells art in any form (paintings, photography, jewelery, clothes, sculpture, etc...like here)
5. Rock star (is there such thing as being a professional triangle player? DING!)
But as i said, I don't think I could ever get to these jobs. bleh, whatever. i don't know what i'm going to do, which is probably why i'm staying at stable, safe, shitty Laurier. *sigh* i don't know what to do. i just don't know. why can't eveything just be like life in The Jetsons? that rant is meant for another blog though. anyway, i have an exam in 4 hours, i should probably study. uuggghhhh...

reality check

2006-11-17T15:48:00.000-05:00

Someone needs to hit Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance over the head and tell him that he is not Annie Lennox, even though he wears more makeup than she does.

wanted: models

2006-10-30T12:50:00.000-05:00

hey all!
I'm working on a project right now, and I really need some models (male or female). I'm trying to showcase my photography and makeup design skills. So if you feel like being all dolled up, please let me know, and we'll have a little photo shoot.
p.s. my project theme is "dolls", hence the italics.

me!!!

2006-10-03T01:50:00.000-04:00

sorry friends, motherfucker of all surveys:

1. Time started: 1:45am
2. Single or Taken: single
3. Sex: hopefully you can tell i'm female
4. Birthday: Dec. 16
5. Siblings: none, except for a half-sister who i've never lived with.
6. Shoe size: 8.5
7. Height: 5'7
8. What are you wearing right now: sweatpants, t-shirt and a soothing cardigan sweater vest.
9. Where do you live: generally in waterloo
10. Can you make a dollar in change right now: hmm... 86 cents... so close.
11. Relationships: oh thousands...
12. Do you have a BF or GF?: neither
13. Best place to go for a date?: what's a date?
14. Do you like anyone: i generally don't like people... i'm just kidding... people are ok... sometimes.
15. Do they like you?: I hope so.
16. Where's the last place you were kissed: you know i can't even remember, that's how long it's been. Ferris accidentally bit me yesterday thinking my finger was part of a treat, does that count?

Favorites::

Kind of jeans: GAP i suppose... jeans are difficult.
Number: 4
Boys Names: Evan
Girls Names: Jocelyn
Animal: omg so many; monkeys, squirrels, dogs, cats, sloths, bats, koalas, horses, Ferris.
Drink: vodka 7, gin and tonic, rum and coke... i can keep going...
Month: winter: january, summer: june
Movie: once again, too many, but to start: cinderella (disney), shopgirl, lost in translation, the life aquatic, the royal tennenbaums, shrek, wayne's world, some like it hot.
Breakfast: dad's eggs benedict
Favorite cartoon character: Fry from Futurama

Have you ever::

Given anyone a bath?: nope
Smoked: for a bit
Bungee: no, but i had the chance in australia. i was broke though.
Made yourself throw-up: once in a while, mostly when i've had way too much to drink... it's better just to get it over with.
Gone skinny dipping: i can't say an exact number, so i'm going to go with several times. ok, weird story: i was a free spirit when i was a little kid (meaning very comfortable with exhibitionism), and occsionally nostalgia washes over me the second someone suggests skinny dipping, and i'm like "ok. no, seriously." Thankfully that doesn't happen too often, i'm sure watching me go skinny dipping would be considered torture in some countries.
Eaten a dog: to the best of my knowledge, no.
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: yeah, once. sure learned my lesson.
Liked someone so much it made you cry?: yeah, a few times.
Broken a bone?: i snowboard, it's a given.
Played truth or dare: not anymore.
Been in a physical fight: once with Michelle (even though it was fake). i was in a couple fights when i was younger too, i was fiesty.
Been in a police car: nope
Been on a plane: so many
Come close to dying: twice
Been in a sauna: yes
Been in a hot tub: any time i have the chance
Fallen asleep in school: more than i'd like.
Ran away?: in a figurative sense.
Broken someone's heart: highly doubtful
Cried when someone died: always, even when characters die in movies.
Cried in school: yeah, a few times.
Fell off your chair: i've missed the chair all together a couple times.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: no, i'm far too busy and important.
Saved AIM conversations: i AIM not to... hahaha...
Saved e-mails: the important ones
Fallen for one of your best friends: it was complicated
Made out with JUST a friend?: once again, it was complicated.
Used someone: in a good way... wait, is that possible?
Been cheated on?: let's just say, it would have been impossible for anyone to cheat on me.

What is...

Your good luck charm: i don't think i have one
Best song you ever heard: there are so many, but one that never gets old is Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis. I'm currently digging Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division, and Age of Consent by New Order. I think i go through an 80s phase every week.
What's your room like: full of stuff i don't need, nick-nacky thingers, boxes (still haven't finished unpacking).
What is beside you: my sketch book, my traveling box of beads, and an empty coke can.
Last thing u ate: Real Fruit gummy
What kind of shampoo do you use?: Aveda

Ever had...

Chicken pox: yep... the worst sort.
Sore throat: i've got one right now!
Stitches: 34 in total.
Broken nose: once; basketball, right in the face.

DO YOU

Believe in love at first sight: used to, but now, not at all.
Like picnics: i do enjoy the occasional outdoor luncheon. i'll bring the deviled eggs and gherkins.
Like school: i like some aspects of school
What schools have you gone to: Dewson, King Edward, Harbord, WLU.
Who makes you smile?: my roommates, my friends, my dog, Ferris, my half-sister.

LAST PERSON

You yelled at: i probably accidently yelled TO Ryan but not AT him when i was frustrated about something.
Who broke your heart: adam
Whos your loudest friend?: i think we all know.
Do you like filling these out: sometimes
Do you wear contacts or glasses: glasses
Do you like yourself: ugh... i'm gonna go with no for the most part.
Do you get along with your family: most of the time, especially when we don't live together.

Are You

Obsessive?: sometimes about some things.
Compulsive?: occasionally
Suicidal?: not right now, give it ten minutes...

Final Questions

How many people are you sending this to: THE WORLD!
What are you listening to right now?: Changes by David Bowie
What did you do yesterday?: took some pictures here and there, read some school stuff, made stir fry.
Hated someone in your family: i wouldn't say hate.
Gotten any awards: no, i am not a winner. it would be cool if someone made one up for me though.
What car do you wish to have: i like the little '97 Golf i have now... but i'd take an Aston Martin Vanquish should one come my way though.
Where do you want to get married?: a castle, in a forest... with unicorns. i don't know... outside?
Good driver?: yeah, i think so. it's just funny how anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac, and anyone who drives slower is a moron.
Good Singer?: no one will ever know...
Have a lava lamp: i have christmas tree lights around my room.
How many remote controls are in your house: including PS2 controllers; 4.
Are you double jointed: no
What do you dream about?: crazy, random, vivid stuff. they're always pretty fucked up.
Last time you showered: i think about 9:30 this morning.
Scary or happy movies: happy
Summer or winter: both have their charms
Silver or Gold: silver
Diamond or pearl: diamonds
Sunset or Sunrise: sunset
Sprite or 7up: 7up
Orange juice or apple juice: orange
Cats or dogs: cogs
Coffee or Tea: tea
Phone or in person: in person i suppose, awkward silences aren't good either way, but if you're in person i suppose you could look around, maybe look like you're interested in something... on the phone you can't do that.
Are you oldest, middle, youngest?: only
Indoor or outdoor: depends on what i'm doing, but i have to go outside at least once a day, or i go squirrely.
End Time: 2:27

seriously, squirrels are great.

thinking different

2006-09-26T01:32:00.000-04:00

i am now an official mac user. after my craptop bit the dust, it was time to convert from PC to MAC. it's been an interesting change. although i'm pretty used to using the macs in the WLUSP office, it's still weird to be without the "Print Page" button, and the infamous right click. living without photoshop is a bit of a bitch at the moment, so if anyone has a mac version of photoshop that i can uh... not illegally copy and load on to my computer, that would be super. but yeah, the mac life is a sweet life... and i'll continue to believe that until this computer crashes and i lose everything, and i'll want to cry forever. but now that i have a computer and internet at home, i want to try and blog more, because i think it's pretty fun. but know what else is fun too? games... so i'm going to mix the two: a blog, AND a movie trivia game! (thanks Nate!) so i'll post either a Jeopardy-like clue or a quote, and it's up to you to figure out what movie/actor/etc they refer to (and then comment on the blog with your answer). it'll help if you know what kind of movies i like to begin with, but then i'll branch out of my prefered blockbusters, and try and make them harder. why am i doing this you might ask? because it's 2:00am, i'm bored, and i need a break from reading. but also because i'm just cool like that. so here's our first:

"If you hold back anything, I'll kill you. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill you. If you forget anything I'll kill you. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill you."

p.s. no cheating by googling, or whatever...

"beauty's where you find it"

2006-08-31T14:01:00.000-04:00

"Beauty's where you find it" according to Madonna. This lyric may at first seem reflective, thoughtful, possibly even a comment on appreciating natural, genuine beauty... until you find out the song is called "Vogue" and realize the song is actually about the exact opposite; vanity, superficiality, and narcissism. Of course you're going to find beauty if you're looking for it in Vogue. Having recently purchased the September issue, I have spent most of my spare time flipping through the 754 pages of beauty. While wishing I had a wardrobe full of haute couture, i thought "but why?". I don't, and probably will never fit in with high fashion. After going to see The Devil Wears Prada twice in theaters, I have started to feel like my sense of style compares to either the pre-Runway Andy character... or a troll. According to this satire of Anna Wintour and her monthly printed masterpiece, in order to be even glanced at in the fashion business, I'd have to either : a) lose 40-50 pounds. b) make $750,000-1,000,000 a year to buy designer clothing. c) become an extremely powerful and respected fashion designer with a "vision", or d) all of the above. However, I am a university student, and I doubt I am expected to be prancing around campus draped in Calvin Klein, Chanel, DKNY or the like, surviving only on my weekly rations of an almond, a teaspoon of marmalade, and water. actually, scratch the almond. But still, I do strive to dress relatively well for my age and the depth of my pockets. But in attempting to do the annual "back to school" visit to Queen West and the Eaton Centre, I managed to buy a makeup brush and a paper lantern. I stopped in at the usual stores that fill my closet such as The Gap, American Eagle, Jacob, Roots, Aritzia, and other random independent stores along queen. But I must admit I was not a huge fan of what I saw. I didn't even try anything on. I was bored with all the asymmetrical and wonky patterned skirts, the silk and lace camis paired with an old man cardigan, the "Aloha! from Waikiki Beach" printed Ts, the "wife beaters" in assorted colours, and the destroyed, whale tail revealing jeans. I couldn't find anything nice to wear, and on the rare occasion when I did find something pretty, it was either designed to fit those skeletal girls, or cost over 200 dollars. So for now, I suppose I'll take a break from shopping, I'm sure my Visa needs it anyway. I just find it funny that Madonna, the songstress behind "Vogue", is now the spokesmodel for H&M, a store which Miranda Priestly would probably vomit on.

The Questioner

2006-08-15T22:26:00.000-04:00

After having read Blair's new blog posts, I decided to take the Enneagram test myself. I also think the results are pretty much dead on, but I've also added and expanded on some other truths about my personality/thought process (sorry that it's an effing novel). Thoughts?

"The Questioner"
You chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX.

"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me
Be direct and clear.
Listen to me carefully.
Don't judge me for my anxiety.
Work things through with me.
Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
Laugh and make jokes with me.
Gently push me toward new experiences.
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Six
being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Six
the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Sixes as Children Often
are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Sixes as Parents
are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Now that I've been getting help by seeing a psychologist (yeah, whatever, i'm "craaazy"), I've discovered a lot of things about myself, most of them being some of the above mentioned characteristics, however another thing I'd maybe add to the list that may be common in other Questioners is being a "catastrophizer". Clearly, not a real word, but what i mean by it is that i tend to see everything bad as an absolute catastrophe, assuming the worst in every situation. If i make a mistake at work, i find myself thinking, "Why did I just do that? That's it, I'm fired. Everyone hates me, my boss will kill me, I won't have this as a reference on my resume, and I'll never have a career, I'll end up on the street as a dirty bag lady, and then I'll die."
And I'll continue thinking this for at least two weeks, or until I'm thoroughly assured that I'm being ridiculous. This is how my brain works, which is probably why the survey says i'm anxious. The cause of this is probably because things to me are generally black or white. Fabulous vs. Horrid, Love vs. Hate, Flawless vs. Unacceptable, Beautiful vs. Ugly, Angelic vs. The Epitome of Evil. Most of these things are directed toward myself, in a judgmental way. I do judge other people, I think everyone does, so I don't feel guilty about it, but I wouldn't say the expectations I have of people are ridiculous or unreasonable. I strongly agree with the loyalty factor, I am very dedicated to my friends, and I take a lot of responsibility on myself and feel like so many people are counting on me for something, and if i feel like i let them down, then i assume they hate me, or worse, are disappointed in me. Even if you don't think so, I think I am a very loyal person, and I tend to expect others to be loyal too, which is sometimes a mistake. I wouldn't say I'm an open book, I keep a lot of secrets, and tend not to let my anxiety or sensitivity come across, but you'll definitely know when something is really wrong. I wouldn't say I'm fake, I just try not to be mean to people I don't like, but you'll know if I'm upset with you, mostly because you will no longer be part of my life. If I feel like you've betrayed me or really hurt me, you're gone. Forever. That's it man, game over. Maybe i do this because it's in my blood. Back in Viking days, if someone betrayed you, they would die. Now i just cut people out of my life figuratively, instead of with, you know... an axe. It's harsh, but it's a call I've had to make a few times. I'm very guarded about people "knowing" me, but I've decided to let that slide in the case of this blog, simply because i am anxious, and worried about what people think of me, so I'm writing this blog, maybe because i feel like i need to explain why I am the way I am, that's all.

goodbye bike

2006-07-21T23:26:00.000-04:00

another thing i forgot to mention about cycling in the city, is how often bikes get stolen, like mine was tonight... goodbye bike.

"i want to ride my bicycle! i want to ride my bike..."

2006-07-15T18:13:00.000-04:00

I have been riding a bike since the age of 3. I like cycling, mountain biking when I'm feeling adventurous, but mostly just distance cycling on trails. The longest bike ride I've done in one day was 61km from my cottage to Collingwood and back. I forgot to bring water once when biking to Thornbury, which was a fairly large mistake. But biking on a trail which runs through forests, beside fields or down mountains is quite possibly the polar opposite of biking in a city. I bike to and from work, about a 7 -10 minute ride, every day. Some might think that not much can happen in such a short period of time, but to them i say "you're wrong." The only time i can safely (relatively) bike to work is when I open at 5:30am, other than that it's a dangerous, winding path through a jungle of cars, trucks,Vespas, and worst of all: pedestrians. Actually that's a lie, taxis are the worst. Even though I consider myself a relatively confident and somewhat intrepid cyclist, it still gets scary. In an attempt to protect myself against the harmful elements presented to a cyclist in a big city i bought:
a ding bell,
a high beam head light,
and a blinky red light.

But even after having all these devices which are meant to contribute to my safety on the road, I still come so close to death (or at least severe injury) every time I take my 7-10 minute bike ride. Nobody pays attention to cyclists, except for other cyclists. As mentioned, taxis are bitches. You'd think that people who drive for a living would be good at it... but no, unfortunately that is not the case. I enjoy my ding bell, it's a pleasant sounding way to alert drivers or stationary vehicles with people in them that i'm nearby, and to ding pedestrians out of my way. But even with my ding bell, car doors still swing open in front of me, pedestrians still jaywalk absentmindedly, taxis speed around me, cut me off or pull out in front of me and crackheads still shout at me when I whiz by at Queen and Bathurst (but i suppose that's out of everyone's control). The head light doesn't do much for lighting a path since there are street lights everywhere in Toronto, but it's supposed to help drivers see you at night (which it clearly doesn't). The blinky red light works ok; I haven't been rear-ended yet. But sometimes I wish they made mini rocket launchers or flame throwers that could attach to my handlebars or something, not to do anyone harm, but you know... just to scare them a bit if they do something stupid around a cyclist so they never do it again. Biking in the city is frightening and dangerous, and not too much is being done about it except for things by the City of Toronto like BUG and Bike Week, yet neither really help. Anyway, take care fellow cyclists, i'll be in my basement working on a handlebar Nerf foam disc shooter. Not really... but maybe.

planned obsolescence

2006-06-14T10:43:00.000-04:00

so there is something that is honestly the bane of my existence right now. it comes in many forms such as iPods, wireless routers and little Minolta cameras. PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE!!! this angers, frustrates and pisses me off more than anything! ALL my electronic devices are failing because of course Microsoft, Toshiba, Apple, Minolta and tons of other gigantic evil corporations realized a few years ago (at least in Ontario) "Oh, there's this thing called the double cohort, there are going to be a lot of high school graduates and therefore new university students needing lots and LOTS of electronic equipment for their academic career." So of course digital cameras, laptops, cell phones, iPods, printers, stereo systems, webcams, fancy headphones and every other high tech doodad started to fly off the shelves for graduation presents and preparation for university life. Now 2-3 years later, only weeks, sometimes days after the warantee these gadgets start to die. The fan in my laptop makes funny sounds then my computer freezes, the wireless router won't connect to the net, my digi-cam breaks, my headphones make a crackle sound if the volume goes too high, my iPod skips songs then shuts off. it's rediculous. but can anything be done about it? of course not! because the warantee has just past, what a bastardly coincidence! so you have to go out and replace everything, or buy upgrades, or just spend rediculous amounts of money being on the phone with Microsoft Tech Support, because apparently having someone tell me to plug a cord into something else and to click on something to find out for sure that it's broken costs 45 dollars. so the minute i start making money at my job, i have to spend it to make things work again. now obviously this isn't just because of the double cohort, it happens in everything. cars, washing machines, VCRs, even DVDs (which i thought was a new technology... how wrong was I?!?!). anyway, that's my rant,
"Buy 'em out, boys!"

C.R.A.Z.Y. - worth the $5.00 and an entire night?

2006-06-02T21:16:00.000-04:00

Blockbuster argues that C.R.A.Z.Y is a hidden gem. However after seeing it, I questioned whether or not it was really worth the five dollar rental and over two hours of my time. I began watching it close to nine in the evening, and when the hour hand was approaching eleven I began to wonder when it would end. I'll admit, I stopped watching it, but mostly because i had to wake up at quarter to five in the morning for work, and because understanding French/reading subtitles around midnight is brutal. I work at a Starbucks, so I was left in a slightly sour mood because even after inhaling caffeine fumes and a few espresso shooters I was still tired, and of course I blamed it on the movie for keeping me up. However, I resumed watching it after work, and felt that it redeemed itself. Although Jesus and God aren't really an influential part of my life (yet they clearly are in the lives of the main characters), the Tupperware Lady character in C.R.A.Z.Y offers a heart-warming tale of how Jesus is always there even in the darkest of times. Although this had no affect on my faith, it was still a nice little story. The characters are believable, the story represents reality in a brutally honest yet lovable way, and it's mostly set in the 70s, so it has a solid soundtrack too. So yes, I do believe it was worth it. This independent film from Québec directed by Jean-Marc Vallé seems to strike me as the-little-film-that-could, in that it took a long effing time to climb the hill, but it eventually got there.
A hidden gem? Maybe... I'd say it's at least semi-precious.

Favourite Line (translated)
Raymond Beaulieu: "I don't smoke or drink or swear anymore. Fuck! I forgot my weed in the pub."

what's in a name?

2006-05-16T16:33:00.000-04:00

i need a skosh of help. a few of you know that one of my thousands of hobbies is making beaded jewelry. well i have a lot of stock now, and I'm going to try and sell it either at stores or craft shows (maybe even One of a Kind!). But one thing i need before i start trying to sell it is a name. i need a little bead company name so that i can make up some stickers with graphics and such for the packaging. also, i want a name so that when someone is asked "where did you get those darling earrings?" they can say "oh, well at this store on Queen, they carry -blank- who makes them." this is where you come in. i'm completely stuck on names. i was thinking "bunnies" because i've always had this stuffed animal bunny since the day i was born... but i don't know if anyone would think it's something special. i want something that has to do with me... not just some random name like "things that sparkle co.", and also a name that does NOT have the word "beads" in it. i tried asking the parents saying that i wanted a kind of nerdy-cool, indie-chic name that would get popular and doesn't sound lame (my dad suggested i spell beads with a z... yeah...). so anyway, i'm basically asking if any of you have some ideas. they can be anything that you think sort of relates to me, even if you think "nerd jewelry" is appropriate, then suggest that. thanks!

pyrotechnics

2006-04-24T23:46:00.000-04:00

to celebrate the end of the school year Ryan, Kara and I lit a sparkler and set off some little firecrackers in the parking lot outside the apartment. it was a great way to end the year. thanks for the good times.

mocha saved a life

2006-04-18T22:29:00.000-04:00

i had a very nice, long weekend over the easter holidays, and me, my dad and my dog managed to save a life. when we got up to the cottage on wednesday night my dog, mocha the poodle, kept sniffing around the fireplace, doing her confused/curious head tilt thing and kept jumping slightly when something scared her. i couldn't hear anything, so we went to bed thinking that it was a bug or something that was scaring her. but the next morning mocha was still eyeing the fireplace suspiciously, so i asked my dad if it was possible for an animal to get in the chimney. he said there wasn't a screen on it yet, so it was a possibility. so i opened flue and something fell out and landed in the ashes creating a big cloud of soot, so obviously i freaked out and ran into the kitchen making my scared/freaked out sound because i thought it was a bat or something horrible. it kept flapping around, and we figured out that it was a bird. my dad got a towel with the intention of placing it over the bird so we could take it outside gently, but the bird didn't like that idea, and started flying around the whole bloody house, which has about 60 windows, so you can imagine its confusion and frustration. finally it hit one window and stunned itself and fell in a plant. so my dad picked it up, and we took it outside where it flew off when it regained consciousness. it was quite the ordeal, but thanks to mocha's curiosity, the little starling's life was saved. that's my easter story.

*this is mocha playing with a stick on the beach.

and finally... the shout outs.

2006-04-04T03:05:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry for doing this in such an impersonal way, but I want you all to know how much you mean to me, and how you've changed my life this year. I was an outsider to begin with, but you all adopted me whole-heartedly into the loving and supportive Cord family without hesitation, and I am, and will be forever grateful. So here goes my attempt at giving you each the credit you deserve, and I hope to get at least a single tear out of each of you. I'll apologize in advance for the lame jokes or odd humour.

Jordan: You have helped me develop (get it? like film... nevermind...) as a photographer and as a person. You had confidence in my abilities, and supported me with every shot, regardless of its importance to the paper. Your positive outlook on the world and life brightened every day, and you're the biggest goof I've ever met, and I couldn't mean that in a better way. You helped me when I needed you, and I've never met someone who gets more excited than me about planning a themed party. You're an absolutely amazing photographer, and an even better friend and I'll never forget you.

*damn, I’m already crying*

Mike: Your sense of humour is weirder than mine, and a day rarely goes by when you don't make me laugh. You boosted my confidence when I felt inferior, and made me smile even if i was on the edge of tears. No one was more excited (except for possibly Brandon...) when I brought in cupcakes, cookies, and others. I'm so glad that you're going to be here as part of the Tike Mony News Team next year, and I hope me and my camera will do your section justice. Raise the roof! Raise it!

Adrian: You always complimented me and my photography even if I thought I, or my photos looked like crap. You bring style anywhere you go with your emo charm. Thanks for believing in me, and puting up with my incredibly disorganized shopping for the Christmas Dinner. I still have the little Jamie Oliver paper badge you made for me last term stuck to my desk... I use it for culinary inspiration, asking the age old question, "WWJD... What Would Jamie Do?"

Kris: I think you deserve the "I hardly knew ye..." award. You would glide in under the radar and blow everyone away with your impressive Cord History section. From the stories I've heard from last year's Carly's OK party, your ability to party and be completely not OK are equally as impressive. Party on.

Tony: Our most recent adventure in trying to climb over the Science Building while totally hammered proved how nerdy we really are. Thank you for the Photoshop, I'm sure it'll come in handy very soon. I can't wait to be part of the ed board next year, and you're one of the reasons why. You and Mike are going to make one dangerously awesome dynamic duo which I've decidedly named Tike Mony... (just so you know...)

Alex: Yeh, but no, but yeh, but no, but..
I think that you've successfully proven that a guy can come from England and still be charming without a British accent. Thanks for letting me leave Battle of the Bands early, and forgiving me for not taking a picture of the winners. You're so much fun to be around, and in no way RUBBAAASH!! (your response here should be "yeah, i know." in the Andy voice) Have a good 1!

Pinchy!: We tried so hard to pull off that prank, and I'm sorry that I started laughing when you tried to start the prank fight with me, i laugh when i'm nervous (and you definitely had me shaking in my little boots... hahahahahaha...) You gave me someone to talk to about my rediculous amount of problems, and even offered me your couch to sleep on when I didn't want to stay at my place. You're my fellow downtown T dot bitch, and i'll never forget when you got drunk during lunch at Gorilla Monsoon. Can't wait to hang out with you more next year!

April: Even though I was a little bit drunk when I said it when we were at the Dance Cave, I still mean it when I say that I love that you're always positive and cheerful. I can't wait for you to be EIC next year, because i'll get to see your happy face more often. I wish you all the best in the great adventure of marriage you're about to set sail on, and keep me in mind if you need a back-up photographer!

Dan: About a year ago, I was sent to take pictures of the pre-Vetran's Park, and Brandon told me to look for a tall, blonde guy. At first I though his description was slightly vague, and I was scared that I wouldn't be able to find you, but I'm happy that I did. You've been a great editor, and I want to thank you again for giving me a ride from the few hockey games I attended. (p.s. sorry there’s a plate of cake in your picture…oh Mike... *shaking fist*)

Blair: I have never experienced the feeling of being tragically stupid yet extraordinarily intelligent at the same time until i met you. Even though you'd call me on any dumb blonde comment I managed to make on a daily basis, I knew you always would stand up for me, especially when I was actually in danger with that chick from the Dance Cave. You’re never afraid to speak your mind, and I know you’re there for me when I need you. You’re incredibly talented and sharp as a tack, and I can’t wait to see what you do with the Opinion section next year.

Carly: You were one of the first, if not THE first person to help me feel like I was actually a member of the highly exclusive ed board clique. You gave me the confidence to whip out my hosting skills, and join in the tradition of throwing some damn good fiestas. I was actually nervous when acted like I was 5 years old in asking you if you wanted to be my friend, but I will never regret it. When I was driving home today, I realized that I didn’t get to say a proper ‘goodbye’ and immediately was afraid that I would never see you again, but I promise you that we will see each other again and maybe damage our hair some more…

Bryn: Why do you have to leave? I don’t want you to go at all, so you’re staying, too bad. You’ve been my toque-wearing brother this year, and I can’t believe you’re actually leaving… jerk… You made me happy when I was sad, you made me laugh even when I felt like I was dying, and you’re so damn clever. I’m going to miss you terribly next year, but I’m sure in your travels you’ll be able to bring as much joy to other people as you have brought to me. We’ll have to have a Diddy Kong Racing rematch while listening to some Matt Good someday, but for now, keep in touch and take care.

Emilie: I’m pretty confident in saying that we share the same sense of humour, and can make each other laugh by just being total dorks (like giving someone wrong directions... hahaha... "no!"). Your passion for beavers, fighting fish and our shared love for other animals always makes me smile. You’re so incredibly talented and artistic, and you have a heart of solid gold… make that platinum. I hope that we can spend more time together next year, because you have become one of my best friends in Waterloo, and I am always amazed by your strength and spirit. I’ll always be your shopping buddy. Cats!

Brandon: I’ve known you the longest out of all the editors, and I’m delighted that I got to know you a bit better over the past year. I’ve always enjoyed your overzealous laugh, which always made me smile even if we were laughing at something completely inappropriate. You’ll always be more than “kind of a big deal”, and you should wear your shirt with pride. You were one of the only people that I got to chat with when I was in Australia, and you helped me conquer my homesickness. I love how much you appreciate my culinary skills… any time you feel like a quesadilla, just let me know. Stay fly homie, but more importantly, stay classy…

and how...

2006-03-16T04:44:00.000-05:00

You Were a Polar Bear

A bit of a loner, you enjoy introspection and solitude.You are a fighter, and you will seek revenge on those who harm you.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

I may be a bit of a loner at times... but i'm actually extroverted. I really agree with the second part though.

archie movie

2006-03-15T11:32:00.000-05:00

so i've heard a rumour that there is a Betty and Veronica movie. it's either in the works, or out already, or "coming soon to a theatre near you". but I can't find any trailers, or casting lists... all i found out was that Miramax and Archie Comics Entertainment are behind it, which they announced in the summer of 2003. When doing image searches Lindsay Lohan always comes up... maybe she's Veronica? Anyway, I have this passion/obsession with movies, and sometimes i wonder why i'm not a Film major... maybe i should be a Film major... anyway, just because i'm weird, and one of my dream jobs would be a Casting Director, i've made up a list of who I'd want to play the roles: (i'm only going to list the characters that are important to me, because there are like... 40 characters, and i'll leave out Sabrina and Josie and the Pussycats... they already had movies or shows made about them...)

Betty Cooper: Scarlett Johansson or Kirsten Dunst (or me... I'd love to play Betty)
Veronica Lodge: Lindsay Lohan would be a good choice if she actually is playing her... but I'd also favour Mandy Moore or Jessica Biel.
Archie Andrews: Rupert Grint, but if he looks too young, then Robert Pattinson (aka Cedric Diggory... sexiest man alive)
Reginald "Reggie" Mantle: Adam Brody, hands down. ooorrrrr.... Jason Schwartzman (but only because i love him...)
Forsythe "Jughead" Jones: Jake Gyllenhaal or Seth Green
Mr. Hiram Lodge (Veronica's dad): Bill Murray
Mr. Waldo Weatherbee: Jack Black
Moose Mason: James Van Der Beek (yeah... Dawson...) or Seann William Scott (the Stifmeister!)
Ok, that's my cast. now make this movie. i think to give it a real twist, i'd love it if Wes Anderson directed it. anyway, that's it, i'm off to get my hair cut. i'll post a pictorial cast list later for some visual stimuli.

i know, i know...

2006-03-14T15:03:00.000-05:00

ok, so i've made a decision regarding my blog. i don't want to use it for complaining anymore. i deleted some of my posts because i don't like complaining... actually, that's a lie... i LOVE complaining... but i don't think many people enjoy listening to me whine. so i'm not using this blog for the "poor little sydney" posts anymore. instead of textually crying about how crappy my life is right now, i'm going to make an attempt to write about something that will cheer me up when i'm feeling down. so instead of bashing my roomate in rather vicious ways (although she deserves it), i'll write about kittens or something... taking pictures also makes me happy, so if i'm in a bitter mood, i might just post some random pictures. anyway, sorry for bringing you down with my depressing blogs, i'm having a hard time... but i know it's not my place to be dragging people down with me. so, i'm going to give this "happy blog" thing a try to see if it'll act as a distraction.

sunny cold

2006-03-03T17:51:00.000-05:00

it's been another good day. yesterday was good, today has been good so far... i'm liking this.
Today there was a pretty funny discussion in The Cord office this afternoon, which is as follows:

Me: "Yeah, i think i'll come to Phil's tonight because i have a new outfit to wear."
Adrian: "That's a good reason to come... girls only buy clothes so they can wear them."
Mike: "Wait a minute... then why do guys buy clothes?"
Bryn: "So girls can take them off."

I laughed.

p.s. it's effing cold.

so i've got some good news and some good news...

2006-02-26T19:45:00.000-05:00

alright, so i woke up crying tuesday morning. my eyes were teary upon waking, meaning i actually had been crying in my sleep, so i took this as a sign that i need to get some help. as some of you might know, i've been having an incredibly rough time this year because of a slightly overwhelming amount of work (both at school and the jobs), and i've had to put up with a significant amount of bullshit in virtually every area of my life (romance, work, school, health, friendship, nightmarish roommate, etc...) my mental state has been on a steady decline since the whole thing in australia happened. i was only able to find solace with les Cordies, Ryan, my darlings at the Shack (you know who you are) and my family. i want to thank you all for making me smile between the frowns, i know i've been a grumpy gus. but i haven't been able to shake the anger and depression.
so i went shopping.
it usually helps, i bought DKNY "be delicious" perfume and some CDs, but I didn't feel better, in fact i felt worse because I was in debt once again. so, i went to see my doctor. after being off antidepressants for almost a year, i was slightly upset that he suggested that i go back on them, but i knew that it's probably for the best. i've also been given sleeping pills to help me get full, nightmare-free nights of sleep, and i've been switched to new pain killers for the abdominal problems. so i've gone from being on 1 drug to being on 4, so i'll appologize ahead of time if i seem unbalanced for the next month or so. anyway, that's some of the good news, because i'll hopefully be a little happier, and not such a sad sydney all the time.
the second note of good news is that i have found a place to live next year. this has been plaguing me for a while, but i finally got one that's just right, we have yet to sign the lease, but it's in the mail.
anyway, i hope that i'll be back to my spunky self soon, and thanks for puting up with me while i've been under my little storm cloud.

put me in coach!!

2006-02-01T18:39:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I've already mentioned how I don't like dumb girls because they're annoying. But I've discovered another set of people who I generally tend to dislike: athletes. Please don't misinterpret me, of course I don't want to overgeneralize, and say that i hate all athletes, because clearly i haven't, and never will, meet all athletes, HOWEVER... I don't like most of them. This all started in the fall when I was taking pictures of the women's basketball team for the paper. I asked a girl her name because i was pretty sure i was going to submit a shot that had her in it... but she was unnecessarily rude to me! i tried to talk to the other girls, but OH NO, they're far too busy to have anything to do with me. Same thing goes for the men's volleyball team, and don't even get me started on those cocky football assholes. All the varsity folk come in to the pita shack and are flat out bad-mannered and impolite. So basically i don't like athletes because they are mean people, they treat you like servants, and they have unnaturally fit bodies, which is always weird. Ok, so there are the mean athletes, but there are also the dumb-as-a-pile-of-damp-rags athletes too. The kind who refer to any superior person as "coach". Their life is hockey, or soccer, or basketball, because anything else other than that one sport they devote every waking hour to is just too damn complicated for them. And then there are the active people, who don't do sports, but just work out A LOT. I started going to the Laurier gym, since the other gym stole money from me, but the first time i walked in my first thought was, "where are all the fat people?" I thought, you know, there would be other people like me who are a little fat, but you know, make the effort to tone up... but NAY! they're all fit and crazy... i'm so intimidated by those people.
I JUST DON'T LIKE ATHLETES! *throwing down my fists in a fit of rage and frustration*

how did you get in here?

2006-01-17T14:46:00.000-05:00

Alright, so many things have been bothering me lately, but there is one big one that constantly pesters my mind. Sometimes when I'm sitting in class I truly wonder how some people have made it in to university. For example, there is one of those "eager beavers" in one of my classes, that tries so hard to be a good student by asking lots of questions in class, annoying the shit out of the professor since no one else in the class gets to speak. Anyway, at one point the prof went off on a tangent, talking about "the good ol' days" of when he was in university, and how he didn't know anyone who didn't do heavy drugs, mentioning LSD, mushrooms, pot, coke, etc... Anyway, the eager beaver girl (who from i'll refer to as the EBG from now on...) put up her hand and said, "What's LSD?" and the class went absolutely silent. The prof just stared at her, looking as though he was thinking, "Are you serious?" but broke the silence with, "Well, it's this wonderful... err... hallucinogenic drug that makes everything just weird..." and then the EBG continued to pry asking, "Well, where can you get it? Is it illegal? Like, if i wanted to try it, where would I look?" and the prof gave her the same puzzled look and said, "Yeah... it's illegal... and no, I'm not telling you where to get it." Everyone laughed and then the prof got back on the lecture topic. Number A: Who the hell doesn't know what LSD is? Number B: Who doesn't know that it's illegal? Number C: Why would you ask anyone, (let me be more specific: a professor) where to get it in public (let me be more specific again: a classroom). Honestly...
So there was another episode of absolute stupidity on the part of a student. Let's call this one the LL (loud laugher, for obvious reasons...). In another class the prof was defining the different worlds, i.e. first world, third world, and giving examples of them. He said, "The US epitomizes what is considered to be the First World. The Soviet Union and most communist countries are considered the Second World, and the Third World nations would be countries in South America and Africa, and so on..." and the LL raised her hand and said, "So Europe is the third world, right? Like, with communism and stuff?" The prof gave her that look (I think all profs have mastered that "are you stupid, or something?" look...) but just said, "No, I think Parisians, Londoners, and Romans have it pretty good in terms of freedom and stuff." rolled his eyes and moved on. But seriously here, how do these people get in to university? Now, I'm not saying I'm the smartest person, far from it, but when you hear statements like this, it makes you want throw rocks at those girls. These encounters are not the first, but damn these girls are lucky that they're pretty, or else they'd have no chance. Let's just hope they marry rich, become infertile, and live the rest of their days in peaceful ignorance. I don't want to sound mean, but it's like an insult studying among them. Good luck girls, ooh, sorry, GOOD... LUCK... GIRLS... was that slow enough for you? *throwing hands in the air* i give up...

hey intern, get me a Campari.

2005-12-19T17:46:00.000-05:00

at the ripe age of 20, i've decided to finally get my own blog. the hardest part of the signing up process was thinking up my blog title. i wanted it to be something clever, something a bit funny, and something that provoked a bit of thought, and i was determined to have it be a line from The Life Aquatic. although "hey intern, get me a campari." and "don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis." were pretty good, they don't really have much to do with me, aside from me liking Camparis and having a nemesis. i picked the last line in the movie ("this is an adventure"), because if i've learned anything from being alive for two whole decades, it's that life just keeps on going and changes constantly regardless of whether you want it all to stay the same, so why not see it as an adventure. i don't really know what i'll use this blog for yet... maybe some complaining, maybe some stories, and quite possibly some comments on university life. who knows... it's an adventure.